8 Ways To Spice Things Up When You Have Kids

With some of these great strategies, you can continue spicing things up with your partner even after you have kids. Your sex life could just be better than ever!

Published Aug 13 2020 6 min read

When you have kids, your sex life can change immensely. Suddenly, it's harder to find time to slip away. When you have young children, you're often exhausted at the end of the day, making it harder to set aside time for one another.

Sound all too familiar?

Here's the good news: the arrival of kids—or their growth into the toddler or elementary school years, when they're more demanding than an infant who at least sleeps somewhat predictable hours—doesn't have to spell the end of your sex life. In fact, with some of these great strategies, you can continue spicing things up with your partner. Your sex life could just be better than ever!

1. Set aside specific time for date nights

For some couples, this means setting a specific number of dates they "have" to get in: a date night each month, for example. Make date nights a priority in your relationship. Some of those date nights could spell sex: go away with your partner for an evening or even rent a hotel room for a few hours in the afternoon. Those hours spent reconnecting sexually could prove priceless to your overall sex life. 

Struggling to find a babysitter? Partner with another family in the same boat. Alternate weeks: you'll take their kids for an evening so they can spend some time alone together, then they'll spend time with yours so that you can get some time away. 

2. Get creative about locations

couple laundry room

Have sex on the bathroom counter. Sneak into the laundry room for a few stolen minutes alone together. Explore one another's bodies in the garage. Take a bath or a shower together and let your play take you where it will. Often, you can steal a few minutes while the kids are engaged in another game or watching television—and those minutes can be the perfect time for you to have sex with your partner. It doesn't have to be penetrative sex, either: you can use a vibrator on one another, engage in oral sex, or try some manual stimulation to keep things exciting even when you only have a few minutes together. 

If you share a bed with your children, whether they're infants or getting a little older, you and your spouse should also have a dedicated place where you can slip away for sex, whether that's a mattress tossed down in the garage or a living room couch that you can use after the kids have gone to bed for the evening, but before the adults' bedtime. 

3. Commit to trying something new in the bedroom

It can be hard to come up with new things to try together, especially when the kids are young and you feel as though you're short on time. If you want to spice things up, however, try introducing something new on a regular basis. Try a new position or add a new toy. If you already have a Crescendo, for example, you may find something new to try in the PlayCards. Poco and Tenuto both have their own sets of cards, too. Explore something new together and get excited about it. 

4. Wear something sexy on an ordinary day

Your favorite lingerie doesn't have to be reserved for bedroom use alone, especially when the kids are small. Instead, slip on something sexy and wear it on an ordinary day together. Put on your favorite lingerie underneath your usual jeans and a t-shirt. Wear the underwear that makes your partner drool because it perfectly enhances your package. Slip your partner a few looks throughout the day to tantalize and tempt. Once bedtime rolls around, you'll both be excited and ready to go!

5. Find ways to touch each other throughout the day.

Squeeze your partner's butt as you pass each other in the hallway or your partner bends over to empty the dishwasher or take the clothes out of the dryer. Brush your fingers across his package or rub against him as he squeezes past you in the kitchen. Hold one another often. Cuddle up on the couch beneath a blanket together and fondle one another periodically. Don't forget the other erogenous zones, including the neck, ears, scalp, and even the sacrum, at the small of the back. The more you make a habit of touching your partner in those areas, the more you'll turn your partner on throughout the day--and the spicier things will be at the end of the night. 

6. Get creative about the times of day you have sex

Sex isn't restricted to the evening—and as a parent, you may realize that having sex at the end of the day is incredibly difficult, especially if you're tired. Try getting creative about when you have sex! Sneak off together for a few minutes before dinner or immediately after the workday ends. Set your alarm to go off a little earlier and have sex first thing in the morning. Take a lunch break together, especially if you're lucky enough to be able to work from home. As you change your perspective on when you're "supposed to" have sex, you'll find that it's easier to find time for one another. 

7. Embrace the quickie

passionate couple kissing before quickie

As parents, you may feel consistently short on time. If sex is always a long, drawn-out affair, you may feel as though you never have enough time for it. When time is short, embrace the quickie. Using Crescendo, for example, can help either partner reach orgasm faster as the vibration adds to your pleasure and makes it more intense. Learn exactly what turns your partner on fast and enjoy it together on a regular basis. That doesn't mean, of course, that your only sexual encounters have to be quickies—but it will make it easier for you to find time for one another. 

8. Tease your partner with Poco throughout the evening

Invest in an app controlled bullet vibrator, like Poco and slip it into your partner's underwear during a private moment. Then, throughout the evening, use your app to tease your partner. You can even help your partner reach orgasm, as long as both of you can be quiet and keep the kids from noticing.

Having kids can make a big difference in your overall sex life, but it doesn't have to be a bad one! In fact, many parents discover that their sex lives are even better after having kids than it was before, as they discover a new side of their partner and engage in more intimacy than ever. 

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