Guest post by Alexia Lawrie
With a better understanding of your sexual wants and needs, sex only gets better with age. Sexuality can be enjoyed throughout all stages of life, and in each stage we can explore different ways to express and indulge in it.
While no one likes to think of their parents getting busy, truth is, your freedom of moving out probably gave them the freedom for multiple orgasms.
The need for intimacy is ageless
As professor Stephanie Sanders, from The Kinsey Institute affirms, “There is no age limit on sexuality and sexual activity.” People tend to worry about their sex life in their later years, even though numerous studies have shown that sex can be enjoyed for as long as you wish.
As we age there are several physical changes that occur. But it’s not all wrinkles and aching joints; many people experience a much deeper and emotionally fulfilling sex life. Let’s not forget that our most important sex organ is the brain. And the brain only becomes wiser with the years!
With age, insecurities and prejudices are lost. Some might even feel better about themselves at 60 than they did at 20! This growth in confidence and self-acceptance is a very attractive feature. With the experience gathered over the years, the understanding of one’s personal eroticism skyrockets. You develop a better understanding of your wants and needs, what games and fantasies you desire – all reflecting positively on your sexuality.
Our twilight years are the perfect time to indulge in these exercises and increase our sexual spectrum, as we have more time at our disposal. The kids might have left home, leading to more freedom to be intimate with one another. Often this is a time when personal relationships take the front stage again, and sex can be an important way of connecting.
Long term couples have the beautiful opportunity to create their own erotic expressions; their own games, sensual touches, etc. A better understanding of each other’s bodies; leading to increasingly personalised, new ways of satisfying each other.
The security and confidence gained over the years help to clearly communicate our preferences, our do’s and don’ts, when establishing sexual encounters with others.
The body’s response to sexual stimulation takes longer as we get older. Men may need longer, stronger stimulation; women might need some lubrication. Menopause can also take a major effect on a woman’s body, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have great sex after menopause. These are not signs of disinterest or lack of attraction; although partners may misinterpret them as such.
To avoid miscommunication, talk to your partner. Let them know what you are going through. As the body takes longer to respond this is a great time to prolong your experience. Make your goal to enjoy the whole journey, not just about reaching an orgasm.
It’s not a question of age, but of desire
Expand your definition of sex and activate your sensual brain. Remember that sex is much more than just penetration and orgasms.
Take the time to caress, pet, play, and get lost with and within each other. It’s a stage in life to take the time to really make love.
Take Away Tips for Improving Sex as You Age:
- Communicate. Be honest about your concerns, desires, needs, and new ideas. Communication is key to feel a strong connection with your partner.
- Sexercise. Sex is like exercise, you might not be in the mood but start to practise it regularly and your sex drive will increase.
- Embrace your older self. Don’t get caught up with how it use to be, reap the benefits of your experience and enjoy the journey.
- Sex is more than intercourse. Intercourse is only one dish from the whole menu. Sex involves every aspect of emotional, sensorial and relationship pleasures. Experiment with all of the senses, explore the boundless lines of intimacy and closeness instead of sex alone.
Let yourself go and enjoy the journey!
References and further reading:
Schick Vanessa, Herbenick Debby, Reece Michael, Sanders Stephanie A, Dodge Brian, Middlestadt Susan E, Fortenberry J Dennis, et al. 2010. “Sexual behaviors, condom use, and sexual health of Americans over 50: implications for sexual health promotion for older adults.” The journal of sexual medicine 7 Suppl 5: 315-29. doi:10.1111/j.1743-6109.2010.02013.x.