How to Be A BDSM Dominant Over Text Message

We explore various techniques and strategies to express dominance while respecting the emotional boundaries of your submissive partner. Continue reading on!

Published Aug 18 2023 3 min read

In today's digitally connected world, exploring your BDSM desires via text is a whole new way to engage your dominant side. Maintaining BDSM dynamics and connections over text messages is increasingly commonplace. Whether you're in a long-distance relationship or simply enjoying the convenience of virtual communication, we explore various techniques and strategies to express dominance while respecting the emotional boundaries of your submissive partner, thus maintaining a mutually enjoyable and fulfilling experience.  

1. Setting the scene: Establish clear boundaries and consent 

Before diving into the world of text dominance, it's crucial to have a solid foundation of trust, consent, and communication. Here are some key factors to consider when establishing an agreement with your submissive partner:  

  • Discuss boundaries: Communicate openly about hard and soft limits, ensuring both parties are comfortable with the intended scope of the BDSM dynamic. 
  • Establish consent: Establish explicit consent for the dominant/submissive roles over text, and reaffirm the agreement as necessary. 
  • Safe words or phrases: Create a unique safe word (or phrase) that can be used via text, allowing the submissive partner to signal their discomfort or desire to stop the interaction. 

2. Crafting dominant texts: Language, tone, and commands

The written word carries immense power, and as a dominant over text, your language and tone set the stage for your BDSM dynamic. Here are a few techniques to assert dominance when texting: 

  • Use authoritative language: Use concise, clear, and commanding language to establish your dominant role. Opt for strong verbs and definitive phrases that leave no room for confusion or ambiguity. 
  • Give commands and orders: Direct your submissive partner by giving them commands or orders to follow. Be specific about your expectations, and ensure the tasks align with their boundaries and consent. 
  • Choose nicknames and titles: As a dominant, utilize titles that emphasize the power dynamic, such as "Sir," "Mistress," or "Master," in addition to choosing appropriate pet names for the submissive partner. 
  • Write descriptive imagery: Employ vivid descriptions of erotic scenes, actions, and fantasies to stimulate your partner's imagination and heighten the intensity of your text exchanges. 

3. Building anticipation and desire: Introduce challenges and rewards

One of the most potent aspects of being dominant over text is the ability to cultivate anticipation, desire, and craving. By incorporating challenges and rewards, you can create a captivating balance of power and control. Consider these strategies:  

  • Assign tasks and challenges: Give your submissive partner tasks or challenges that test their obedience and foster a sense of excitement.Reward and punish: Utilize positive reinforcement or punishment to shape the dynamic, praising them when they meet your expectations or correcting them when they fail. 
  • Tease and deny: Introduce elements of tease and denial by toying with your partner's desires, mentioning erotic scenarios or actions but delaying their gratification. 

4. Digital aftercare: Ensuring emotional comfort and connection

Just like in-person BDSM scenes, aftercare is an essential aspect of engaging in text-based dominance. Here are a few tips on providing digital aftercare for your submissive partner: 

  • Debrief and reflect: After an intense scene, take the time to debrief and discuss the experience with your partner. Encourage them to share their feelings, emotions, and any concerns that may have arisen. 
  • Offer comfort and reassurance: Provide emotional support and comfort by letting your partner know they are valued, appreciated, and cared for as a human. 
  • Keep the connection: Maintain regular contact with your submissive partner, engaging in conversations that nurture connection and emotional intimacy beyond the BDSM dynamic.  


Asserting dominance over text messages offers a unique and engaging way to maintain and enhance your BDSM dynamics. By building a strong foundation of trust, consent, and communication and employing powerful language, tone, and control techniques, you can create a dominant presence even when geographically apart. 

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