Introducing Le Sex en Rose as part of our Sextech Salon Series, discussing her journey in search of pleasure and sexual liberation.
What is Le Sex en Rose and how did you get into it?
Le Sex en Rose is the journal of my travel in search of pleasure. A narration of my exploration of sexuality as an ordinary woman, wife and lover.
I didn’t always have an open approach to sex. I remember having an argument with my husband, then boyfriend, at the beginning of our relationship. I argued that sex was just an important part of everybody’s life rather than fundamental.
Now I know that was just an excuse to pass my inexperience off as indifference to the matter. I didn’t know much about sex back then, as I didn’t have much chance to explore it.
After all, my first timid attempt at oral sex with my first boyfriend had been blocked by an ironic-not-so-ironic “what are you doing?” that (literally) shut my mouth and got me back to silent, boring vanilla sex.
My quite new open and sex-positive approach comes from a long and challenging exploration started together with my better half. At a certain point of our years-long relationship, we decided to let go of the fear of being misjudged and to open up, be deeply honest to each other, share all our desires and sexual imaginations.
We gradually let sexuality take more space in our lives and we soon realised people don’t usually talk sincerely and freely about sex, especially women.
One day my better half said to me “I think you have something to tell to other women that can make them feel free to explore their sexuality with curiosity and no shame or guilt”. So I wrote down the first posts and a few months later Le Sex en Rose was born.
I started sharing some personal experiences, discussing topics related to human sexuality, and testing and reviewing sex toys, picking only from the new generation of high-quality toys specifically designed to offer a whole new pleasure experience thanks to a combination of body-safe materials, shapes, textures, colour and technology (that’s how I met Crescendo).
Then I launched the naked interview format, where both I and the interviewee are naked. This allows me to enrich the blog with the words of people who, through their job, art, vision, contribute to empowering people to embrace and enjoy their sexuality in a safe, conscious and fulfilled way.
It’s also a way to normalise nudity as a means of getting rid of all the labels and status symbols that we let define us and setting our body and mind free of taboos and stereotypes.
What was your sex education like growing up?
In my house “sex” was like an unspeakable word in the list of a Taboo game card titled “you-know-what”.
My parents tried to dodge the sex talk by any means. My dad always filed the matter as ‘women’s stuff’, morally relieving himself of the burden. He probably still thinks of me as an asexual/sexless being. His way of life is: if you don’t think about it and you can’t see it, then it doesn’t exist (and no, he doesn’t know about the blog).
My mum postponed the talk by putting in my hands a book with a misleading title – Mommy laid an egg – and wikiHow-type illustrations with arrows and captions – “this goes in there” – adding nothing new to what I already knew.
I remember her sitting on the bed next to me, a few years later, babbling something like “be careful”, “use your head”, “use precautions”, when I was dating my first boyfriend.
I also have an elder sister, but she’s the kind of woman who lies down in bed facing away from her husband, pretending to sleep and hoping he doesn’t attempt to have sex with her.
So the most of my sex education was kindly provided by the school, starting from junior high years, where the Italian teacher addressed random issues roughly related to sexuality like nocturnal emissions (wet dreams of pleasure for him), menstruation (wet mood swings and discomfort for her) and dispensed tips on intimate hygiene.
Later on, during high school, I listened to an OB-GYN who invited to warn us about the risk of contracting STD/HIV and getting pregnant and to enumerate all the contraceptive methods.
When it comes to sex, what’s the one thing you wish everyone knew?
That pleasure is human, natural and vital. That it’s an act of love to ourselves and other human beings. Nothing shameful, immoral or guilt-worthy ever came from love.
What is your vision for the future of Le Sex en Rose?
There are so many topics to cover and so many taboos to break when it comes to sexuality. I want to connect with as many people as I can and to collect their empowering voices on the blog to create a positive culture and discourse around sexuality and encourage more people to talk freely about it.
The dream is to turn Le Sex en Rose from virtual to a physical space where people can meet to enlarge their knowledge of sexuality attending events, speeches and happenings built around the subject.
It’d be great to create this in Italy, the country where I come from, where sexuality is still a huge elephant in the room and conversations of most of the people. It is also where the fake moralism made up by religion and social conventions still makes a lot of people feel afraid of their body and their pleasure.
I’m currently collaborating with other women to organise open meetings on sexuality and I’m working on some photographic projects with my husband, who’s the eye behind every picture and video in the blog.
I think images can speak louder than words sometimes and I also believe in the power of visibility. Our aim is to give visibility to human sexuality in a non-graphic and non-vulgar way and to build a visual storytelling of feelings, gestures and postures that people can relate to.
And naturally, I want to continue my sexual exploration and this journey in search of pleasure and sexual liberation!
What are the key trends you’re seeing at the moment that influence your work?
I can see that people are asking for a better, more frank, comprehensive and inclusive sexual education.
Lately, I have focused on this topic, wondering about all the issues sexual education is leaving out. All the info boys and girls need to grow up confident in their own body and to live a healthy, conscious and fulfilling sexuality.
I’m happy to see more media, brands and companies committing to breaking the stigma around female masturbation. This is one of the first topics I wrote about and one I care about the most because a lot of women still feel guilty masturbating and pleasuring themselves, and think they are doing something shameful.
Luckily, companies like MysteryVibe are contributing framing pleasure as a fundamental, natural part of a happy and healthy life by designing discreet, smart and friendly objects that can help women explore their sexuality and personalise the pleasure experience according to their shape, sensations and desires.
I also love the way the world is (slowly) starting seeing human diversity as a value and an enrichment. In this digital era, where visual content is core to success, where being visible means existing, giving visibility to people of every colour, shape, age, sex.
It is vital to not make people feel alone and excluded just because they don’t conform to stereotypes or norms: we are all the same because we are all different.
What’s the biggest surprise you’ve had since starting to work in sextech?
The biggest surprise was realising how powerful and bonding both sexuality and technology can be in people’s lives. Since I started talking about the blog and bringing sexuality into conversation with friends, acquaintances and perfect strangers, I’ve been able to connect with people on a deeper level and to build more meaningful friendship.
There’s a whole bunch of beautiful people out there observing their bodies with curiosity, questioning their sexual identity, orientation and desires, trying to improve the sexual connection with the partner. Most are just afraid to talk about it or to experience sexuality freely because of all the taboos, stigmas, untruths and myths surrounding it.
Also, Le Sex en Rose got me to meet many extraordinary women and men spreading the word of the sex-positive revolution. Some of who went from being just a virtual acquaintance to great actual friends in flesh and blood.
Who else in the industry do you admire or look up to?
The list is getting longer every day, but my today’s heroes are these two.
One is Karley Sciortino: I read her book Slutever and I fell in love! I like her questioning attitude, her honesty (and humour) in opening up about her sexual exploration, and the way she connects with people and navigates situations, that is completely devoid of all kinds of judgement and deeply respectful.
I think her memoir can inspire women to live a truly liberated sexual life. Because, to put it in her words:
“At the end of the day, as long as we’re not hurting anyone (who hasn’t explicitly asked us to), then we should be free to have whatever type of sex we want.”
My other hero is Stoya, who comes from the made-up world of porn looking nothing like the pornstar cliché and more like a Girl-Next-Door Snow-White-kind of beauty.
I listened to some of her interviews and read some essays: everything that comes out of her mouth (figuratively speaking) is so enlightening and meaningful!
The fact she became a respected voice in the sex work sphere, talking about sex workers’ rights, sexual health, consent and other relevant subjects around sexuality, is a sign that the world is changing for the better.
Do you have any practical tips that someone could use tonight to enhance their pleasure?
Just follow your real desires, not the desires you’re supposed to have.
Thank you so much for chatting with us!
