Tantric sex is about physical and spiritual awareness, the end goal is not about completion (e.g. orgasm) but rather the holistic journey to that point. Focusing upon pleasure, sensations, and your body. Characterized by a deep, intimate connection to your partner, enhancing your sexual experience through the emphasis of mind and body connection.
Through the application of Tantra; an ancient tradition originating within Hinduism thousands of years ago, tantric sex can be used to connect deeply with oneself and partner, focusing upon the holistic journey of pleasure.
What are the benefits of practicing tantric sex?
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Lower Performance Anxiety
Often during sex, the end goal is to orgasm. Tantric sex moves away from this and instead focuses on the journey of sexual and sensual connectivity. This relieves any unnecessary pressure, allowing you to explore sensations and even making an orgasm more achievable.
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Improve communication
By improving your connection to your partner, you can open up honest conversations about your relationship, your sexual desires, and your needs.
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Redefine sex
It is easy to fall into a sexual routine, following the same structure day-to-day. Yet by choosing to practice tantric sex you shift your focus to the pleasure journey. You can discover and explore your relationship to sex, by moving out of your sexual scripts. Instead of the your usual routine; kissing, foreplay, penetration try a new routine, a new order, and new positions.
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Boost your self esteem
Getting in touch with your body and your partners can make you appreciate yourself in new ways. Our bodies do so much for us, by focusing on yours you can learn to love yourself even more.
Where should I start?
Set a quiet afternoon or morning aside. The process of deeper connection shouldn’t be rushed. How do you expect to focus on moving slowly when your mind is preoccupied with the weekly food shop?
Practice meditation and deep breathing techniques to prepare your mind for tantric sex. For an in-depth look at how to connect to the moment and quieten your mind read our article on sex meditation.
Due to the holistic nature of Tantra, your environment is an important aspect. After all, the clutter in your room isn’t going to help you relax and enjoy this new sexual journey. Strive to stimulate your senses in different ways:
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Sight: give your room a spring clean and make it visually appealing
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Smell: light some candles to give you soft, romantic lighting and have the room smelling great
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Sound: soft music for you and your partner can move to or a sound machine to create a peaceful ambiance
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Touch: Soften the space with rugs and pillows
How to practice tantric sex with a partner.
The point of tantra is that it is not solely about sex but rather the journey- and how it is able to enhance your sex life. If you choose to have penetrative sex that’s great but remember this isn’t goal orientated. Here are some practices to help you reconnect, align your hearts, and make you feel more intimate with your partner.
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Soul gazing
Heard the phrase ‘The eyes are the window of the soul’? By simply gazing into the eyes of your partner you may feel a heightened level of openness. Direct eye contact is no easy feat, you may feel awkward, nervous, and exposed. Yet push through and acknowledge every emotion and thought as you gaze into the eyes of your partner.
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Tantric touch
Simply touch out of love. Connect your heart, focus on love and your partner. Keep every touch demand free, they can be sexual, sensual, loving you name it, as long as they are without agenda. This act should make you feel warmth toward your partner, whilst addressing your desire for connection.
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Breathing techniques
Focusing on your breathing is an important practice within Tantra. By synchronizing your breathing with your partners you can increase connection and intimacy. You should focus on deep breathing, inhaling through the nose for 5 counts and exhaling through the mouth for five counts.
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Take it slow
Tantra is all about learning to feel, establishing a deeper connection, and focusing upon your thoughts and emotions. There is no one way to do this - so take it slow, learn, and relax.
How to practice tantric sex alone?
Just as when practicing with a partner - there is no end goal. Make this about self-love, and connecting with yourself. Remember to breathe deeply and slowly, to clear your mind and release tension.
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Meditate - Sometimes it takes a little time to stop thinking about the day to day and learn to relax. By meditating you can ground yourself, and become more present.
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Explore - Spend time exploring your body, those often overlooked areas such as the inner thighs, chest, and feet. You may find yourself unlocking new sensations, whilst making you feel in touch with yourself.
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Masturbate - Touch yourself, take it slow, and explore.
Tantric sex position - Yab Yum
Arguably, any sex position where the focus is on intimacy and feeling each other’s energy is a tantric sex position. However, some are more famous than others, especially those that feature regularly within tantric sex books such as Yab Yum. Perfect for beginners, this position won’t have you bending over backward in the hope of enlightenment. Please note this embrace can be practiced fully clothed, naked, with penetration or without.
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Have the ‘giver’ (if you choose penetration, the person who is penetrating) sit upright cross-legged, whilst the ‘receiver’ partner drapes their legs over their partner, facing them. The ‘receiver’ should rest their arms around the shoulders, while the ‘givers’ can be placed around the waist of the ‘receiver’.
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This position involves lots of direct eye contact, align yourselves, and focus on synchronizing your breathing.
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Reading your partner’s body and emotions find a rhythm that works for you. Start by using smaller, subtle, circular movements whilst keeping your bodies in tune. You can choose to build larger movements, slow down, or stop altogether depending on the sexual energy between you and your partner.
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Remember to start slow, explore, and communicate what works and what doesn’t.
