So you want to know what it’s like to have a threesome. Not the glossy, airbrushed version we see in porn but the real-life messy version. Well, you aren’t alone. Dr. Justin Lehmiller from the Kinsey Institute found that threesomes are one of the most common sexual fantasies. Although fantasies don’t always become reality, this figure alone suggests that threesomes are on the mind of many.
Desire to have a threesome isn’t as male-orientated as you might think. Porn and pop culture often depict threeways as the ultimate male fantasy. But, plenty of people regardless of gender and sexual orientation partake in and are curious about threesomes.
Participation in group sex can act as a gateway to a more adventurous sex life or be a one-time ‘tick it off your bucket list’ story. Threesomes can also provide a safe environment for sexual identity exploration as you come into close contact with people of different genders. There are plenty of psychological factors that contribute to why you may want a threesome, but you don’t need to justify wanting to broaden your sexual horizons.
Threesomes aren’t reserved for frequent attendees of notorious swingers parties, you don't have to be the most sexually adventurous to indulge in a ménage à trois. For many, it happens purely by ‘accident’, a drunken kiss leading to a night of passion but for others it takes time, planning and a lot of open conversations.
When engaging in any activity, genuine consent is the most important aspect. Remember consent should be given freely, without pressure and can be withdrawn at any time.
So whether you’re the third, an open-minded couple, someone who wants to explore with strangers or someone looking to explore with friends we have some advice and guidance from people who have been there and done that. No rose-tinted glasses here, just the honest, real, and messy situations people have found themselves in.
1. You will need hydration breaks
Navigating sex with two other people can be thirsty work. Threesomes can last a long time and the excitement can be enough to keep you going for hours. However, it's important to take a minute to recuperate if you feel your energy levels dipping. You don’t have to keep up with each other all the time.
“One of my favorite sexual experiences EVER. Lasted about 4 to 5 hours so much fun. We’d lightly danced around the idea a few times after one too many wines. My friends were in an open relationship and I was finding my feet regarding my sexuality and love of women. I got a text one night asking if I wanted to come over and I instantly knew what this meant. Giggling nervously I ended up indulging in one of my favorite sexual experiences to date. And yes they still remain my close friends to this day. ” - Female
2. Three-way kisses aren’t a thing
Try it out, but three-way kisses are a heavily overrated move. No one gets much joy out of trying to navigate your way around two tongues. Instead, skip this and take turns to kiss and caress each other. This will build up sexual tension in a sensual atmosphere..
“We played a game of spin the bottle to get things going. It sounds silly, playing this game with only two other people but the anticipation leading up to my go was a huge turn on” - Female
3. It’s nothing like porn
Yes, it’s hot and heavy, but also a lot of work. Bits are wobbling, making funny noises and sweating profusely. Switching positions needs communication, after all with another two people some level of coordination needs to occur. I’m sure if porn had outtakes we’d have a more holistic view of what a threesome is really like.
“My leg got stuck under some pretty passionate love-making which resulted in some serious cramp, it was hilarious at the time and still is. Nothing really prepares you on how to move position without accidentally sticking your ass in someone's face. Threesome sex positions show some great ways to have passionate sex with two other people but what about how to switch between them?” - Female
4. Laugh and laugh a lot
Laughing is the perfect way to diffuse any awkwardness, especially if someone’s genitals unexpectedly end up very close to your face. If you take yourself too seriously you can end up in your own head, which can quickly disrupt momentum and take you out of the moment entirely.
“I had a threesome with a couple I met on a threesome app. They were hot, intelligent and there was plenty of sexual chemistry. However, when it got down to it it felt a little like a competition. She went into full porn star mode and I was left cringing a little. He even stopped midway to tell her to quieten up, it ended up a little awkward and I turned down the cuddles and left swiftly.” - Female
5. Do NOT drink too much
Yes, this may seem like a good idea to lower your inhibitions, but it can also cause boundaries to become blurred and even affect you physically. We are talking about vaginal dryness and not being able to maintain an erection- not ideal if you want to have a passionate threeway.
“I was on a ski-season, I ended up in an MFF threesome with me as the lucky guy. If I’m honest it was kind of messy and uncoordinated because we’d drank quite a lot. I’m pretty sure it ended when one of the girls just left, quickly turning a threesome into a twosome. But it can’t have been all bad because we ended up doing it again a few nights later with less drink involved and it was much more fun’ - Male
6. Sometimes people feel left out
Try as you might to include everyone if you aren’t used to having multi-partnered sex sometimes you can accidentally leave people out. To avoid this scenario communicate constantly throughout. Checking in on everyone to make sure that a 5-minute break is because of the multiple orgasms they experienced and not because they feel left out.
“I had one once. It ended up with me and the girl I fancied having sex. The other just watched” - Male
7. They can bring up a whole lot of emotions
Doing it with your best friend may seem like a great idea at the time but are you able to see them the same way after? If you’re inviting a third into your couple the green-eyed monster might make an appearance. Sometimes it can be hot watching your partner get intimate with someone else, but other times it can leave your stomach in knots. Make sure you feel comfortable to say if it’s not working. Do not suffer in silence as these hidden emotions will not go away with time, but instead, you’ll find yourself weepily grabbing a glass of water leaving them to it.
“I was in a premeditated threesome, inviting a third into the bedroom. Initially, I felt nervous and as awkward as humanly possible, especially when it comes to seeing my partner flirt with someone else. But after some conversation and a glass of wine or two that seemed to disappear. In the moment it was funny, exciting and messy with a few awkward encounters sprinkled throughout the experience. It broadened my sexual horizons and I’d definitely recommend trying it once if you are curious.” - Female
Everyone’s experiences are entirely unique. You can’t go too far wrong with open and honest communication throughout. Here are some tips on how to achieve the ‘perfect’ threesome but remember the ‘perfect’ threesome doesn’t exist.
What makes a three-way so joyous is the messy bits, smart sex toys, the funny positions specially incorporated with MysteryVibe's Crescendo or wearable male vibrator Tenuto and the odd noises your bodies make. Falling into bed completely exhausted after hours and hours of pleasure is an indicator of a successful threesome!
