Faking orgasms has become a universal joke among many women — and, all too often, a universally accepted reality. In one notable study, at least 58% of women admitted that they had faked an orgasm in the past. What is it that causes women to fake orgasm? Consider these possibilities — and how to get past them in your relationship.
Assuming the Woman Needs to Orgasm to Satisfy Her Partner
In a heterosexual relationship, the man often feels as though he has to help his partner reach orgasm in order to make him a sexually desirable partner. This, in turn, can lead to a woman who feels as though she needs to reach orgasm in order to make her partner sexually satisfied. Not only does this lead to an increased likelihood that the woman will fake it in order to make her partner happy, but it can also create an increased amount of pressure in the bedroom. This can make it all too difficult for the woman to reach orgasm.
The ongoing pressure in the bedroom only increases over time: a woman who starts faking may continue in order to "keep her partner happy," which can lead to further perceived need to pretend.
Assuming the Woman Needs to Orgasm to be Satisfied
Reaching orgasm is incredibly pleasant and physically fulfilling. It increases feelings of relaxation and can lead to the release of oxytocin, the bonding hormone.
Many women, however, do not need to reach orgasm in order to feel sexually satisfied. In fact, a woman can enjoy the sensation and connection that comes along with sex without reaching orgasm. For some women, orgasm requires additional energy or effort, which the woman may not always feel like putting forth during the sexual encounter. In other cases, the woman may prefer a quieter sexual encounter or may enjoy sex in a way that doesn't bring her to orgasm.
Unfortunately, many people — men and women alike — fall into the trap of believing that if a woman does not reach orgasm, she must not be satisfied. This, in turn, can lead to a woman who fakes it in order to make her partner feel as though she is fulfilled.
Feeling Insecure About Her Sexuality
Some women fake orgasm because they feel insecure about their sexuality. They may know what they want and have little to no trouble reaching orgasm on their own, but when it comes time to have sex with a partner, they may find it incredibly difficult to orgasm. They may feel insecure about what they like. Many women do not realize that penetrative sex alone is often not enough for them to orgasm, or that they may need clitoral stimulation in order to reach orgasm.
Inadequate foreplay can also make it hard to orgasm during sex. Unfortunately, many women feel too insecure to let their partners know what they need. They may fake orgasm in an effort to feel more secure with their partners or to prevent the feeling of embarrassment that comes from struggling to reach orgasm.
All too many women, in particular, struggle to communicate what they want to their partner in bed. They may feel awkward bringing it up in the middle of a sexual encounter. They might struggle to explain what they want, or feel awkward letting their partner know what they want.
As a result, faking it often seems easier. It prevents the need for a conversation about sex, especially when that conversation is perceived as "what her partner is doing wrong." A woman does not have to admit that she needs more than she's getting in terms of clitoral stimulation or that she doesn't particularly enjoy a certain position when she fakes it for her partner.
Often, women are even convinced that they should set their own sexual needs and desires aside and focus on the needs of their partner. They may feel that they need to ignore the fact that they haven't reached orgasm in favor of making things better for their partners.
Trouble Reaching Orgasm
Some women choose to fake it because, in general, they have trouble reaching orgasm. Even masturbating, they may not know what they like well enough to get the stimulation they need to reach orgasm. It can prove even more difficult to reach orgasm with a partner. In order to save face, end a sexual encounter, or prevent a feeling of shame, women may choose to fake an orgasm instead.
How to Stop Faking Once and For All
Many women struggle with the decision to stop faking. In the end, however, most who do find it incredibly empowering. Instead of "faking it," women can focus on genuinely enjoying themselves in the bedroom, experiencing more genuine orgasms, and enhancing sexual connection.
1. Learn what you like.
It's impossible to tell someone else what you like in the bedroom when you don't know it yourself! An experienced partner may well know his way around the female body, but he does not know his way around your body, specifically. Unfortunately, that can make it difficult for either of you to figure out what you really like, especially if you're shy or struggling to communicate what you want.
Spend some time masturbating. Get a feel for what you genuinely like. Learn more about what it feels like as you get closer to orgasm and what you need to help push you over the edge. As you develop a better understanding of your own body, you can pass that information on to your partner.
2. Communicate with your partner.
Talk to your partner about sex. In fact, talk to your partner about sex often.
Talk to your partner about what you like and what you don't like. Tell your partner what blew your mind in the bedroom and what you didn't really enjoy. Give your partner a better picture of what brings you pleasure.
Talk about why you sometimes have difficulty reaching orgasm, and what you'd like your partner to do about it. Discuss the times when you may not necessarily want to reach orgasm, or when something just isn't working for you. The more you communicate, the more comfortable you'll feel talking about sex when it matters.
Try starting the conversation about sex when neither of you is aroused. You may even choose to start talking on a long drive or walk together. It may be easier to have a conversation when there's not an immediate expectation that you'll head into the bedroom together—though there's a good chance that is where your conversation will eventually end up.
3. Commit to exploring together.
If you fall into the percentage of women who fake orgasm on a regular basis, the truth is, you may not really know what it will take to help you reach orgasm through intercourse. Even if you know how to get yourself there, having someone else in the room with you, engaging in sex with you, can make it more difficult for you to reach orgasm, especially if you feel self-conscious.
Commit to exploring with your partner. Let them know that your sexual desires are changing and that you want to reach orgasm with them more often. You may want to try some of these strategies:
Use a vibrator. With Crescendo or Poco, you can easily apply stimulation directly to your clitoris in the middle of sex. This, in turn, can enhance both arousal and pleasure and increase the odds that you'll reach orgasm. You can use it yourself or allow your partner to use it to increase your pleasure.
Engage in mutual masturbation. Masturbate in front of your partner the way you do when you're alone. Show your partner exactly what you like, how you like it, and what you enjoy as you get closer to orgasm. Do you need the pace to speed up as you get closer? Do you prefer a slow, steady touch? Not only will mutual masturbation give your partner a better idea of what you like, but it may also give you a better idea of what your partner likes, too. Don't feel shy! Your partner may grow even more aroused watching you masturbate than touching you.
Try something new together. Explore with playcards or simply commit to trying out a new position together. Have sex in a new location. Try making one of your fantasies reality. By exploring something new, you can take some of the pressure off and prevent both of you from falling back into the same old habits.
As you experiment together, commit to taking it slow and communicating. When it comes to increasing your odds of reaching orgasm, communication is the most important element. Without it, you may find yourself falling right back into those old habits.
Are you struggling with faking orgasms in your relationship? Do you have a partner who's struggling to reach orgasm? MysteryVibe vibrators can help. Each vibrator helps enhance sexual pleasure by adding vibration to the sexual experience, raising pleasure and arousal, which can, in turn, increase the odds of orgasm.