It might be hard to imagine having great sex with erectile dysfunction (ED), especially since erections are culturally viewed as a salute of health and happiness and a sign of good things to come (quite literally) for many men and penis owners. ED is so common that one in every two men will experience some form of it in their lifetime. Before we dive into how to have great sex with ED, let's address a common question that arises.
Can a man with ED still come?
Yes, men with ED can still have an orgasm and ejaculate. An erection is not necessary for orgasm, ejaculation, or pleasure. In fact, it is possible to have an orgasm without ejaculation and vice versa. Ejaculation is defined as the expulsion of semen from the penis, whereas orgasm is the process of neurotransmitters delivering pleasure signals from body to mind.
It's common to reduce our sexual experiences to the physical act of becoming erect or ejaculating, but sex is so much more than a physical reaction. While orgasm and ejaculation can be extremely pleasurable, they don’t have to be the focus or end goal of sex.
If you experience erectile dysfunction, it doesn’t mean your sex life is over. Far from it. Here are 12 tips that will lift you up and make you believe that you can have great sex with ED.
1. Ditch the goal-oriented mindset
Sex is not a performance; it's an experience, and the experience is not 'one-size-fits-all.' Abandon the goal-oriented or performance mentality that in order to have great sex, your body must respond a certain way.
When we approach sex with a goal in mind, we render the experience to pass or fail. While it’s frustrating when your body doesn’t respond like you want it to, putting pressure on yourself to perform in a certain way or adhere to any expectation can actually exacerbate the problem.
If you enter into a sexual encounter with a negative or anxious frame of mind, you may inadvertently create a negative feedback loop in your head that becomes a form of sexual performance anxiety.
2. Reconsider your definition of sex
Societally, we put emphasis on penetrative sex (penis-in-vagina or penis-in-anus) being the only acceptable type of sex. However, there are many ways to have non-penetrative sex and explore your sexuality. The beautiful thing about sex and sexuality is we have the freedom to define it for ourselves. Intercourse is only one of many types of sexual expression. Other types of sex include oral sex, outercourse, dry humping, masturbation, mutual masturbation, fingering, and more.
3. Explore other erogenous zones
Sex doesn’t have to be confined to genital contact. A skin-on-skin connection can be orgasmic without an erection or ejaculation. Focus on stimulating and exploring other erogenous zones, such as the male perineum. The male perineum, affectionately known as the taint, is a highly charged yet underrated pleasure zone for men.
The human body is riddled with sensitive areas that can give you and your partner a toe-curling experience regardless of how your genitals respond. If you want to up the ante, try using a vibrator or sex toy to explore and arouse erogenous zones you may not have known you had.
4. Take prescription medication
Prescription medication - aka the little blue pill - is a popular and well-known method to treat erectile dysfunction. More commonly known by their brand names, Viagra, Cialis, Stendra, or Levitra, these oral medications help relax the muscles in the penis, which increases blood flow and helps get and maintain an erection.
While it requires a doctor to prescribe, oral ED medication is discreet and easy to use. However, it’s important to manage expectations around using medication as it’s not a magic pill. These medications can come with adverse side effects and may not be suitable for people with certain underlying health conditions, so always consult your doctor about if this is the right choice for you.
5. Try male sex toys that are best for those with ED
We’ve come a long way since the Granville hammer, and women aren’t the only ones that get to benefit from sex toys. There are many different types of male sex toys that can enhance pleasure for penises and even help those struggling with erectile dysfunction.
The wearable male vibrator Tenuto 2 works two-fold to heighten sensations and improve blood flow with vibrations aimed at key erogenous zones, while its adaptable design restricts blood flow to the penis, helping you get and maintain a longer-lasting erection and improve your partner’s experience during sex.
Alternatively, the Pulse Solo Essential or Pulse Duo delivers intense sensations to the frenulum and penis shaft to enhance masturbation or foreplay for couples, leaving everyone satisfied without the pressure of intercourse.
6. Relax with a sensual massage
Sexual encounters start in the mind before they manifest in a physical space, so any stress or tension can exacerbate ED by disrupting the brain’s signals to the body regarding erectile function and blood flow.
Relax and get as comfortable as possible prior to sex to increase the chances of a positive experience. Ask your partner to help get the blood flowing in the right direction by trying a seductive sensual massage. Not only does massage help activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which controls your rest and digestion functions, but it can also strengthen the intimacy between you and your partner.
7. Slow it down
The best of us can get excited and rush into sex before we are fully relaxed and aroused. If you are having difficulty maintaining an erection, it could be your body's way of telling you to slow down. There might be some lingering thoughts or fears preventing you from relaxing and being present during the experience, which changes the way you perceive pleasure. Treat this as an opportunity to change the pace and try something new, whether with yourself or your partner.
Ease into sex at a leisurely pace. Take your time rediscovering your body and your partner's body. Use your lips, your fingers, your mouth, or your feet; there’s no wrong way to explore. You might be surprised by what comes up from an elaborate and elongated exchange of sexual energy.
8. Get creative with foreplay
Foreplay is often seen as the step before the main event of intercourse, but foreplay can be its own tour de force – especially when you get those creative juices flowing.
Try to engage all five senses for a dynamic sexual experience. Alternatively, focus on one sense at a time by experimenting with sensory deprivation during foreplay.
Sex noises are powerful catalysts for arousing our primal instincts (as well as an excellent method of providing feedback to your partner). Hone in on provocative sounds whether you choose to elevate your sexual appetite with ASMR or get naughty with dirty talk.
Flirt with the thrill of power plays and BDSM in your sex life. Combine sensory deprivation, sound, and submission to your foreplay by blindfolding your partner and commanding them to touch themselves to the sound of your voice.
10. Pivot to oral sex
In lieu of penetrative sex, oral sex can be an equally (and sometimes more) erotic experience, and a soft or partially erect penis can still be stimulated and pleasured by your partner’s mouth or a sex toy that simulates oral sex sensations.
Explore different suction, pressure, and techniques with the lips, tongue, and mouth to see what feels best. Focus stimulation on different parts of the penis, such as the frenulum, and arouse nearby erogenous zones, such as the perineum and scrotum. The combination of sensations on multiple erogenous zones may culminate in a climactic experience. Try lucky number 69 for some reciprocal pleasure, too.
11. Learn & lean into honest communication
Communication is the cornerstone of great sex because it fosters intimacy and trust in our relationships with others as well as ourselves. When we feel connected to our partners and ourselves, we are more open to being vulnerable and revealing our desires and fears.
As daunting as vulnerability sounds, especially regarding erectile issues, your willingness to communicate fears and expectations with your partner can make it easier to navigate different options and solutions together.
12. Adopt a different love language
You’ve probably heard the adage, “Actions speak louder than words.” Many men identify with non-verbal methods of communication, showing their appreciation and attraction to their partner through arousal and sexual expression.
Male impotency can present an obstacle to expressing love and attraction for partners. However, this obstacle is an opportunity for men to expand their vocabulary and learn a new love language. Sex, or physical touch, is not the only love language available.
Dr. Gary Chapman identified and developed five different love languages that can be applied to your relationships in sexual and non-sexual capacities: physical touch, acts of service, quality time, words of affirmation, and receiving gifts.
Final thoughts
The silver lining of any tribulation is that it presents an opportunity to learn and grow. Pleasure is available to every body, even if it means adjusting your routine and stepping outside your comfort zone to learn to have great sex with erectile dysfunction. After all, pleasure is a journey, so if you’re open to exploring new things, learn how to enhance your sexual pleasure with cock rings.
What's changed: We updated this article to include seven more tips on how to enhance pleasure when you have ED.
