Written By: Somatic Sexologist and Sex Coach Alice Child
Ah pegging. Such a misunderstood topic. Shrouded by taboo and misinformation, pegging either fascinates or downright terrifies people.
If you’re thinking, “not for me”, hold on just one minute!
Pegging is a sexual practice that can be enjoyed by anyone - regardless of gender, sex or sexuality. When both partners are into it, it is an incredibly intimate and pleasurable experience for everyone involved.
Plus, trying new sexual activities comes with heaps of benefits. Not only can it lead to knee-shaking, full-bodied orgasmic experiences, but has the potential to unlock a whole new side to your sex life.
Here is everything you need to know about pegging; what it is, how to do it, common misconceptions, and why you should consider giving it a try yourself.
What is pegging?
Pegging is a sexual practice where one person, usually a woman or person with a vagina, puts on a strap-on dildo, or similar object, and penetrates the anus of another person, performing anal sex.
Who enjoys pegging?
The wonderful thing about pegging is that everyone can enjoy it - both giving and receiving!
Although pegging is typically associated with a woman penetrating the anus of a man, everyone can give it go.
We all have an anus, and the anus and rectum are absolutely filled to the brim with pleasurable nerve endings, which can feel incredible when stimulated.
For penis owners, pegging also stimulates the prostate (also known as the P-spot), leading to powerful prostate pleasure and orgasm. For vulva owners, pegging can indirectly stimulate the A-spot, also leading to a powerful orgasm.
What is the prostate and how to find it?
Often described as the ‘male G-spot’, the prostate is a walnut-sized gland responsible for producing seminal fluid. It’s located inside the rectum about two to three inches in. If you insert a finger, think about pointing your finger towards the penis to find it. During arousal it swells and becomes firmer (making it easier to find!).
During ejaculation you can actually feel it contract and move as it releases prostatic fluid (a component of semen).
“Does pegging make me gay?”
Absolutely not. And this is one of the most common misconceptions - especially from heterosexual men who are curious to give pegging or anal play a try.
Pegging and anal sex are sexual acts that do not change your sexuality. It can be done by any combination of genders, sex, or sexual orientations.
Sadly, homophobia and misinformation contribute to the taboo around pegging and anal sex. While it can be easy enough to disregard these beliefs, the shame that often accompanies them is much harder to shake.
Sexual shame is a big reason why many people never try pegging - even if they want to.
Is pegging painful?
Not if it’s done safely. It’s time to get rid of the myth that anal sex is painful. Sex - of any kind - doesn’t need to be painful, and this includes pegging and anal sex.
If you have experienced painful anal sex, it is likely because you were pushing your body faster than it was ready for. Pleasurable anal sex requires you to be relaxed, and this is something that you can’t force.
There are two sphincters in your anus: the external muscle can be controlled yourself (try it now by clenching and relaxing your butt) and the internal sphincter, which is an involuntary muscle and cannot be consciously controlled. The internal sphincter is controlled by your autonomic nervous system, which needs to feel calm, safe and relaxed in order to not contract.
This is why any anal penetration - including pegging - takes practice and patience.
What are the benefits of pegging?
There are many benefits of pegging, including:
Penetration for all!
The practice of pegging subverts traditional power dynamics, challenging the notion that a man or penis owner is a penetrator, and a woman or vulva owner is penetrated. Pegging gives everyone the chance to try and enjoy both roles.
Anal orgasms and pleasure
The anal region has many pleasurable nerve endings. Getting stimulated and penetrated anally can lead to extremely powerful anal orgasms, which feel unlike orgasms of any other kind. They are often full-bodied, very powerful and long lasting.
Prostate stimulation
For men, pegging stimulates the prostate which can also lead to incredibly powerful and full-bodied orgasms.
Empowering power dynamics
Playing with power dynamics can be a huge aphrodisiac and can be extremely liberating and empowering. It enables couples to experience emotions such as power, control, trust, surrender, intimacy, and submission, and this can be extremely erotic and fun.
Reduces pressure on male sexual performance
As a society, we put so much pressure on erections. Many men struggle with performance anxiety, and most will experience erectile dysfunction at some point in their lifetime. This can be for a huge number of physical, emotional or psychological reasons and strap-ons and dildos can be a fantastic alternative.
How to try pegging
Communication and consent
The most important factor when trying anything new sexually is clear communication and enthusiastic consent. Always check in with your own feelings about things before diving straight in, and make sure you have both spoken about your desires and boundaries ahead of trying anything new with a partner.
Use lube
The anal cavity doesn’t lubricate itself like the vagina, so using lubrication for any kind of anal play is imperative to avoid tearing, ripping, or anal fissures. If you are using a silicone sex toy or strap-on, remember to use water or oil-based lubes as the silicone-based ones can damage your sex toy. When it comes to anal play, more is better. Continue reapplying throughout your session and use a condom on any sex toy as that will also help keep your session slippery and smooth.
Don’t start in the butt
Arousal is a spectrum and changes how pleasurable experiences feel, so make sure everyone is turned on before introducing penetration of any kind. For women, ongoing clitoral stimulation is recommended alongside anal play, and for men, penis stimulation. Try stimulating other erogenous zones as well to help increase arousal.
Start small
If you’re new to anal play don’t dive straight in with a huge 8” strap-on! Work your way up gradually. Start with a relaxing external butt massage, then introduce a small finger or slim device to get used to the sensation of anal stimulation and penetration on your own. When you feel comfortable with a finger, gradually add another finger or a larger sex toy to advance your anal training practice. Try combining external stimulation, such as perineum massage, with internal penetration, using fingers or smaller anal sex toys like butt plugs, a prostrate vibrator like Molto, or small narrow dildos. Remember this should never feel painful, so don’t rush the process.
Go slow
Whether solo or with a partner, always penetrate the anus slowly. If you feel any resistance, stop or slow down. If you force it and push further into the anal cavity - this is where pain might occur. Don’t leave the body quickly, and don’t push in further. Instead, just wait for the body to relax enough to receive. Remember to communicate constantly with your partner every step of the way.
Find the right tool for the job
There's nothing worse than starting a pegging session and having to constantly stop to adjust your harness straps because your strap-on doesn’t fit properly. Do your research, measure yourself properly, and get the right sex toy for the job. There are many different harnesses and dildos out there, so don’t be afraid to experiment until you find one that is right for you.
Consider hygiene
While it’s not necessary to douche in order to enjoy pegging or anal sex, it helps some people feel more comfortable. If it’s your first time, a douching with warm water an hour or so before pegging should be more than sufficient. You can also use a condom for extra hygiene and ease with clean up. Never penetrate the vagina with anything that has been on or inside the anus before cleaning it.
Breathe
Remember we said your nervous system and your internal anal sphincter need to be really relaxed? Well, deep breathing helps relax the internal muscles. Practice breathing all the way into your belly (also called diaphragmatic breathing), and slowly exhale. Try that for 10 breaths. By doing this you are regulating your nervous system, making your body feel calm, and relaxing your anus. Continue these nice deep breaths throughout pegging, especially during the initial penetration.
Choose a receiver-friendly position
Choose a sex position that allows the receiver to be in control of the depth and the speed of the penetration. Being on all fours - aka doggy style - is a great example, as the receiver can ‘back up’ against the dildo or penetrating object at their own pace. Doggy style is also great as it too allows the penetrating partner to stroke and massage the receiver’s butt, back and genitals. This not only feels amazing, but often helps people relax.
Practice makes perfect
If you have never been the ‘pegger’ before, you will soon realize how hard it is! Getting the rhythm and the motion right takes time and practice, so start slowly, try different movements, speeds and pressure. If you need a break, you can gyrate or grind slowly and instead of intense thrusting use your hands to stroke other parts of your partner’s body.
Withdrawal slowly too
Just as you penetrated slowly, always remove the sex toy slowly too. This is especially important if your partner just had an intense or large orgasmic experience.
Even if your partner wants to stop, never rush the withdraw as this might lead to increased discomfort, shock or even pain. Instead communicate with your partner, reassure them that you are stopping, and that you are slowly moving out. Encourage them to breathe deeply as you do so.
Aftercare
Many people can feel vulnerable after pegging, especially those who have never experienced being penetrated before. Aftercare, a term from the BDSM community, helps ensure everyone feels safe and comfortable. Ask each other what you need and plan to have enough time afterwards so you don’t need to rush back to anything. Be sure to communicate to each other about what worked, what didn’t, and what you’d be curious to try again.
Pegging can be an infinitely pleasurable experience for everybody, regardless of gender or sexuality. With a little patience, communication, and a whole lot of lube, you too can experience the throes of what some people call, “the most intense orgasm on earth” from pegging.
