Guest post by SexualAlpha.
What do iPhones, TVs, and vibrators have in common? They turn on at the touch of a button. Bodies don’t.
Are things getting stale in the bedroom? Does your wife often reject your sexual advances? Or, maybe you just want to have more sex, because why not?
Whatever the case is, you can help your wife get in the mood.
Considering you’re reading this article, that means you’re interested and willing to make some effort. And that’s a good start. Here are 10 tips for you:
1. Understand responsive desire
Foreplay is any sexual activity before intercourse.
That also means foreplay starts as soon as you’re done having sex. How you treat your wife every minute of the day will speak volumes compared to a last-minute move. It doesn’t build intimacy when you only show affection when you want sex.
Many (note: not all) women have a responsive desire, as opposed to a spontaneous desire. And women get turned on when they feel sexy and wanted.
Groping her once and then calling it a day won’t do the work.
So plant the seeds of desire. Show her you appreciate her. There are many ways to do this, some examples are: give her genuine compliments about how sexy you find her, grab her from behind, kiss her neck (and not just to initiate sex), take her out on dates, and most importantly, do this regularly.
After all, if you love and cherish her, romancing her shouldn’t feel like work.
2. Communicate, communicate, communicate
Like many things in a relationship, communication is key.
If your wife is experiencing a low libido, talk to her. Initiating ‘the talk’ about sex can be an intimidating, but it’s necessary and there are ways to bring it up that can make her feel respected and appreciated. There are many reasons why she could be experiencing a low sex drive. However, finding the root cause can help you pinpoint where to take action.
Some factors include:
- Physical causes like her medication and birth control pill, if she experiences pain during sex, or has underlying health conditions like diabetes.
- Hormonal changes when she’s pregnant, breastfeeding, menstruating, or menopausal.
- Psychological reasons that occur if her self-esteem is low , if she’s stressed, or has a negative sexual experience.
- Relationship issues like feeling a lack of connection, trust issues, unresolved fights, or poor communication in your sexual desires.
3. Introduce sex toys in bed
Even if you’re already having mind-blowing sex, bringing sex toys into your bedroom will make your wife enjoy herself more.
During foreplay: Use vibrators. Trail it around her nipples, travel towards her pelvis area, press it on her clit.. and you’ll leave her gasping for more.
And it’s easy to see why. This tiny hotspot is a powerhouse of pleasure with a whopping 8,000 nerve endings (and is much larger than what we see externally).
So how to stimulate her clit during penetration with your penis?
Enter vibrating cock rings.
These vibrating toys are one of the easiest and most fun ways to spice things up in your sex sessions - before and during. Since they are worn around the base of your penis, it vibrates against your wife’s clitoris during penetrative sex.
For you, it may even make your erection harder and last longer. In fact, MysteryVibe’s Tenuto is billed as just that, a vibrating cock ring designed for you with her pleasure in mind. Tenuto isn’t a traditional vibrating cock ring, it’s the first wearable vibrator for men. Adopting the principles of a traditional cock ring, Tenuto restricts blood flow to the penis resulting in a harder, stronger erection. In addition to a firmer erection out the gate, Tenuto has 6 motors placed strategically in around your penis, balls, and perineum (if you prefer) that send powerful vibrations through all of you, and two motors dedicated to her clit and vulva. Firmer erection plus powerful vibrations to your erogenous zones and hers means mutual pleasure and enhanced sensations. She feels more sensation as do you. It’s a win/win.
4. Invest in sex furniture
Doing the deed takes a lot of physical strength.
You and your wife may no longer be as fit and flexible as you were in your twenties. Or, if you’re still in your twenties, exhaustion and many other factors could play a role in your physical capacities.
Investing in some sex furniture, even as simple as sex pillows, will make sex more comfortable and accessible for you and your wife. It helps lift your hips and gives your neck a break. You can even explore different sex positions with it that might be difficult or exhausting for you to execute.
For example, if your arms get tired during doggy style, bending over a pillow wedge supports your upper body for you.
5. Consider choreplay
Stress is a top factor that causes a dead bedroom.
According to a study by a US-based medical practice network, 51% of participants reported that when they are stressed out, they are more likely not going to have sex with their partner.
So don’t leave all your household chores to your wife. It’s simple. If she’s not carrying all the load at home, she will have more time and energy for sex.
Important: Don’t just help out with chores because you’re after something (i.e. sex) in return.
Sex isn’t a transaction. If it becomes a sexual power struggle, then it’s defeating the purpose.
6. Be spontaneous
Sex usually happens at night time - at the end of the day, when all your responsibilities for the day are done, when the kids (or dogs) are asleep, and right before going to sleep.
Over time, it starts to feel like a routine or, worse, an obligation - like a chore. And chores are always a bore.
Instead, make sex more spontaneous by initiating it at random times of the day. It would keep her on her toes, not knowing when to expect it.
7. Or, schedule sex sessions
There’s nothing wrong with scheduling sex, especially if you’re busy people.
Having spur-of-the-moment sex when you’re supposed to be doing something else is unenjoyable. It takes you away from the experience because you’re thinking of that email you’re supposed to respond to pronto.
Making time for intimacy is difficult when you lead hectic lives. If you just wait for the mood to kick in, nothing will happen. She’s not feeling it, you’re working late, or you’re both just very exhausted.
So sit down with your partner and mark sex dates on your calendar.
Scheduled sex also gives you space to anticipate and plan for it. Imagine how sexy it would be to undress your wife when she’s wearing feel-good lace undies.
8. Stay fit
And by staying fit, we mean being healthy and strong. (And definitely not about having a certain look or size.)
Being fit revs up your sex life because it reduces stress. Exercising produces endorphins (one of the happy hormones). When you’re happier, your sex drive will benefit.
So do some workouts with your wife! It even becomes a great bonding moment.
9. Keep it fun
Treat sex like an adult playground. And what do sex and games have in common? They are fun!
Here are some ideas:
- Sex dice - That game where you roll the dice, and it decides whether you bite, lick, suck or kiss your partner’s mouth, clit, penis, or butt.
- Sex cards - Pick a card and do what it tells you to do, like face-sitting and fingering.
- Porn - Watch it together! You can also learn what her sexual preferences are from her watch history.
10. Know her love language
A lot of the tips we mentioned above touched on different ways for you to get her in the mood. But which of them works best? Which one should you focus your attention on the most?
Knowing and understanding your wife’s love language, or languages, lets you know the most effective ways to her heart (and her body).
So, here’s how to use love languages to improve your sex life:
- Act of service - Prioritize sextivities or acts that she likes best. Giving oral sex to your wife is a wonderful way to communicate your appreciate and desire her since it’s a selfless act of giving versus receiving.
- Physical touch - Savor the foreplay. Throughout the day, build up the anticipation by cuddling and massaging. Instead of rushing through foreplay to sex, take your time during foreplay in kissing, stroking, and caressing each other.
- Words of affirmation - Be vocal! Compliment her. Tell her what you love about her body. Engaging in dirty talk is a surefire way to turn her on (and yourself at the same time).
- Quality time - Be present during coitus. She will know if your mind is elsewhere during sex, so make eye contact and take things slow and sensual.
- Receiving gifts - Liven up your bedroom sextivities by surprising her with sexy lingerie, a vibrator, or anything that you think would get her pulse racing. The best part? It benefits you too, so spoil her.
Okay, so how would you know what her love language is? Easy! She (and you) can take online quizzes like this one from 5LoveLanguages.
Of course, quiz results are not your end-all-be-all. You know yourself best, and you must have a good grasp of what your wife is like. But they could guide you to understand you and your partner better.
Sex is a marathon. Not a sprint. Taking time and effort to get your wife in the mood, and really please her, is healthy and normal. Thankfully, there are many ways to do so, beyond this list... Get creative and inspired, after all, you know yourself and your wife best.