Everyone has a butt, but not everyone automatically knows how to access anal pleasure. Whether you’re an anal enthusiast or “curious but afraid it will hurt,” the truth is, comfort and enjoyment come down to knowing what you’re doing. Before you jump in, it’s worth knowing that discomfort isn’t a given. With the right prep, pace, and communication, anal sex can feel good from start to finish. These 14 anal sex tips will help you skip the discomfort, get straight to the satisfaction, and create an experience seriously worth repeating.
1. Lube is your best friend
This is number one for a reason, and if you didn’t know how important lube is to any type of anal play, you will now. Unlike the vagina, the anus does not self-lubricate, so lubricant is essential to any anal sex or anal play. Anal tissue is delicate, and without liberal application of lubrication, it's at risk of tearing or anal fissures. Whether you are enjoying anal rimming, prostate massage, or penetration with a penis or anal vibrator, it is important to apply, apply, apply. Now, the type of anal lube you should try depends on your personal taste, desires, and what kinds of ways you enjoy playing, so here is a brief rundown:
Silicone-based lube
- Pros: Thick and long-lasting
- Cons: Not suitable with some condoms, dental dams, or silicone sex toys
Water-based lube
- Pros: Feel very natural, easy cleanup, safe to use with condoms, dental dams, and sex toys
- Cons: Dries out quickly
Hybrid anal lube
- Pros: Long-lasting, easy cleanup
- Cons: Not safe to use with silicone sex toys
2. Use sex toys that are made for anal
Anal play can be an amazing way to stimulate all your nerve endings, and the perfect way to give powerful stimulation is by using anal sex toys. Before you get to exploring your P-spot or A-spot, you should make sure what you are putting into your body is anal-safe.
For example, not every sex toy that goes into a vagina is suitable for anal play, as the vagina has a dead-end at the cervix, while your anus does not, which means something could get lost up there. The anal vibrator Molto is a great beginner anal sex trainer as it's ultra-slim - the size of one finger - and bends to help you find the right angle for your body.
To avoid any accidents, make sure any anal sex toy has an anchor outside of the body, such as a harness or flared base (this could be a large ring, suction cup, or any base), which reduces any chance of over-insertion. However, if anything does go wrong during your anal exploration, it is important not to panic and go to the emergency room immediately, as the longer it remains in the body, the higher the risk.
3. Start small
Going straight for anal sex can be a recipe for unprepared disaster. Your anus needs to get used to the sensations gradually, so start small and work your way up. Or if you don’t want to try penetration with your fingers, use a slim anal sex toy, like the one-finger width Molto, to explore. If you're a super beginner, you might want to consider anal training for a super smooth and seamless anal experience.
4. Experiment on your own
Before going straight to partnered anal sex, try anal stimulation on your own. Solo anal play can be a great chance to experiment, learn what you like, and appreciate all those sensations without the pressure of a partner around. This could involve light pressure of your finger or using an anal vibrator, whatever you feel most comfortable with and enjoy most. Then, when you are ready, you can take what you have learned and share this with your partner.
5. Clean yourself before and after
Before something goes into a sensitive cavity, make sure you prepare for anal sex with a thorough clean beforehand. A quick shower will suffice, or go to the bathroom 30 - 60 minutes before anal sex. Empty your bowels and wash the anal area with regular soap and warm water. Use unscented, hypoallergenic baby wipes as an alternative, as for many, this clean-up is enough. While it's not necessary to use an anal enema, if this makes you feel more comfortable, then do that. And afterwards, make sure you shower or wipe yourself again to minimize the risk of any infection.
6. Stop or pause if something feels uncomfortable
It is not normal for anal play or sex to hurt, no matter what you’ve heard from others or seen in porn. If anal sex is painful, something is wrong. Perhaps your body isn’t thoroughly warmed up enough, you haven’t done any anal training, you aren’t using enough lubrication, or it is just not for you. If you don’t like the sensations that’s okay. Not everyone will enjoy the same things, so if it doesn’t float your boat, find something that does, and don’t put pressure on yourself to enjoy it.
7. Stimulate around the anal opening
If you're working your way up to internal orgasm, don't overlook the perineum, which is the area of skin between the genitals and anus, and anal opening. For men with prostates, the perineum can indirectly stimulate the prostate, and for women, it's also an area riddled with sensitive nerve endings. Some people can orgasm just from playing with these erogenous zones alone, so by teasing the anal opening and focusing on every sensation.
8. Play with other erogenous zones
We have two hands for a reason, and for people with vulvas, anal penetration can stimulate the G-spot through the shared wall, resulting in some very pleasurable sensations. Multiply sensations by playing with your partner’s clitoris. With over 36% of women needing clitoral stimulation to orgasm, it seems silly not to seize the opportunity to play with all those nerve endings. If you're a man, masturbate or touch your penis to relax the entire pelvic floor to allow for anal penetration.
9. Go slow
If you’re new to anal sex or even if you’ve been doing it for a while, it may not be the most appropriate for a quickie. There is preparation to be done and especially when you first begin playing anally it helps to take it sloooooow to really enjoy it. So ensure you give yourself enough time - maybe make it part of a date night rather than rushing it in your lunch break.
10. Never move from anal to vaginal or oral
Once you have put something in your anus, do not put it anywhere else. If you do this, it can result in the transfer of bacteria and feces from the rectum into places they shouldn’t be, potentially making both you and your partner ill. The types of infections this can result in are bacterial vaginosis, yeast infections, and UTIs. So, whether it is an anal sex toy, fingers, or penis, do not switch from ass to anywhere else without thoroughly washing.
11. Prepare yourself, mentally
Mental preparation is just as important as physical preparation when it comes to anal sex. You might worry about the hygiene side of things for example which is completely normal. If your mind is preoccupied, then spend time connecting with your partner to help ease your mind. If you are feeling anxiety about anal play, especially around sexual performance, your body may seize up causing your sphincter to tighten and making anal play more difficult and less enjoyable.
Instead, try doing all the things that make you feel relaxed. This could be a sensual massage, watching a movie, or a sex game. Set the mood and ease yourself into it for your most enjoyable experience.
12. Have a safe word
When you are trying something new or engaging in any potentially uncomfortable sexual activity it is important to have an established safe word with your partner. This can be anything that is an indicator to stop or slow down because you no longer want to do what you are doing, feel uncomfortable, or are in pain. By having a pre-set safe word, you will feel more comfortable in telling your partner to stop, as it is an agreed-upon word.
13. Don’t compare yourself to others
Comparing what happens between you and your partner to mainstream porn is a particularly bad idea because those scenes involve a lengthy and unpleasant preparation routine. And the people in porn are paid actors/actresses - so it can be a very different representation with money shots and objectification. If you want to watch porn that is a truer representation of the real deal then check out more ethical porn, which depicts real sex and real orgasms.
14. Don’t be scared about a little mess
When you are playing with a zone that involves fecal matter, there might be a little mess, but this is normal and quite frankly, to be expected. The more comfortable you feel about a little mess, the less shocked and uncomfortable you will be if it does happen. Some people even feel like they might poo when they are doing it due to the new sensations, but this is rarely the case, so try to focus on the pleasure and relaxing and not worry about it too much.
Takeaway
Anal sex should leave you smiling, not squirming. When you take your time, communicate, and add a little adventure, you set yourself up for the kind of experience you’ll actually want to repeat. But the good times don’t end when the play does - looking after your tush is just as important as getting it in the mood. Knowing the best ways for recovering from anal sex for a happy tush helps prevent discomfort and keeps you ready for round two.
