Love lives can often ebb and flow; it’s a normal and natural progression in any relationship. Maintaining the romance means making time for physical intimacy, which can often become deprioritized when life gets busy.
However, it takes two to tango to avoid falling into a dry spell. Even if your husband isn’t initiating sex, for one reason or another, it doesn’t mean they aren’t open to having it – they might just need a cue from you. Men appreciate being desired just as much as women, so initiating sex and getting in the mood is one sexy deed both partners share.
If you’re ready to kindle that fire between the sheets, here are 19 ways to help get your husband in the mood for sex.
1. Take a trip down memory lane
While sharing an intimate moment, like cuddling in bed, bring up a memory of a previous romantic encounter together. Memories can be a powerful catalyst for unlocking romantic and erotic feelings as we relive the intimate moment in our imagination, conjuring the emotions we felt at the time too. Unlocking these memories and bringing them to the front of your partner’s mind can be a powerful aphrodisiac.
2. Take charge
Instead of waiting for your partner to start feeling frisky, try initiating things yourself. Take charge by straddling them as they relax on the couch, or taking their hand in yours as you lie on the bed and guide their hand along your body to the areas you want him to touch. Often, during times of stress and low libido, your partner may not think to initiate sex themselves, even if they desire it.
3. Surprise them
For some people, there’s no better turn on than surprise, whether that’s out for a walk, at dinner or at home. Find a time that your partner will be available for a spontaneous sex session or build up the anticipation by teasing them during every day activities. For example, surprising your partner when they return home by opening the door in your lingerie, or even nothing at all! Or touching them underneath the table at date night.
4. Whisper your desires
There are many reasons whispers can be so deeply erotic, but it boils down to our love of secrecy and intimacy. Use this to your advantage and whisper sweet nothings - or sexy suggestions - into your partner’s ear, and watch as their passion rises. For example you could whisper into your partner’s ear to join you upstairs in a few minutes, raising their heart rate and giving you a few minutes to prepare.
5. Talk it out
Communication is king. Often, issues around libido and sex lives can result from a lack of communication around what your partner may be feeling, or looking for. Talking through any problems that your partner may be having, and engaging them in conversation about your sex life can lead to positive changes.
Communication is the number one way to ensure a strong relationship and a healthy sex life. Although the temptation may be to engage your partner physically, take the time to communicate with them and check if there’s anything they would like to get off their chest or discuss. Letting your partner talk through their problems or vent their concerns is a fantastic source of stress relief and catharsis and can often lead to very emotional and intimate sex.
6. Schedule sex
Scheduling sex can help reinvigorate a love life, as it will allow your partner to prepare their headspace for sex. Not everyone finds spontaneous sex enticing, and often having a set time to look forward to can be highly erotic, as the mind races imagining all the delights to come. Bonus points for flirting via text throughout the day to heighten the anticipation!
7. Get sensual in the shower
Join your partner in the shower, or ask them to join you and discover the joys of shower sex. Engage in some physical intimacy and tender grooming. The physical intimacy of showering together can be incredibly sensuous. There are few people who can resist the feeling of being lovingly caressed by the soapy hands of their significant other!
8. Have a date night
Plan a romantic date for you and your partner. By creating a sense of ‘occasion’ you can give your partner the time to get into a more sexual headspace, while also enjoying an evening of emotional intimacy together.
The easiest way to the heart is through the stomach! A delightful meal can be made even better when followed by a seductive offer of intimacy as a desert - just remember to plan a light meal, otherwise you may end up napping together instead of sleeping together.
9. Give a sensual massage
Sensual massages are a fantastic way to show your affection to your partner and get them in the mood for a more sensuous evening. Light some candles, break out the scented oils and help your partner unwind with these sensual massage tips.
10. Watch an erotic or romantic movie
Couples looking for something to quicken the heart could consider watching an erotic or sexy film. Use the sexual tension built up from the sexual crescendo of the film to engage your partner.
At such a charged moment, even a subtle touch like stroking the inside of a thigh can have a very powerful effect on your partner - but if you feel like being a bit more forthright, you can always use your hand to guide your partner towards your desires.
11. Send them sexy photos
Consider surprising your partner with some sexy nudes, which won’t only get your husband in the mood for sex but you as well. Unexpected photos can stir up passions and hint to your partner what to expect after work that evening - as well as giving them a taste of what is to come.
12. Change your look
Do you enjoy shopping? Then rejoice, as you have found a new excuse for a spree!
Shop for a new clothing item (or combine previous ensembles into something new) to surprise your partner with when they come home. Everyone loves trying out a new look, and there’s a good chance that your partner is going to enjoy it even more than you, especially if they are used to seeing you dressed a certain way. If you’re feeling kinky or know of a particular roleplaying fantasy your partner has, try a more daring outfit such as a sexy nurse or French maid.
13. Leave suggestive cues
Visual reminders of sex can immediately cause a surge in libido, so consider leaving some items strategically located in your bedroom, bathroom, or anywhere in the house you expect your partner to find them - or, better yet - pass them to him yourself!
A pair of furry handcuffs placed suggestively on the door handle of the bedroom may be the perfect hint to your partner to open the door and find out what lies inside or a pair of panties placed into his hand during dinner is a clear signal - and a massive turn on.
14. Share your fantasies
Spark a conversation with your partner about the fantasies you both want to explore and discuss ways in which you can both fulfill them. Communicating your fantasies to each can sometimes be intimidating and requires a judgement free space with an open mind, however there are also apps for couples to discover new sex ideas they both like such as Spicer. Something to remember is that the discussion about fantasies is often so erotic that plans can turn almost immediately into action - but try to finish the conversation and make some solid plans before jumping into the fun.
15. Roleplay together
Does your partner have a particular interest in a movie character or type of role? Consider surprising them as that character in a roleplay session. Whether it’s the classic Star Wars ‘Leia outfit’ for you, or a schoolboy outfit for him, a little bit of roleplay can add some spice to even the best sexual dynamics.
16. Let your partner watch you masturbate
A visual show of you pleasuring yourself can be deeply erotic for your partner to see and help increase their desire whilst also giving them the space to enjoy the show without the pressure to participate directly. Call your partner to your bedroom when they arrive home and invite them to watch you as you pleasure yourself, either with or without sex toys. You can even encourage them to do the same and enjoy mutual masturbation to build up the anticipation before having sex.
17. Watch porn together
Pornography can be very effective at creating feelings of lust, so even if your partner is not in the mood for sex at the beginning, they will quickly find themselves becoming aroused as they watch. Turn on the TV and play some porn as a power play to steer your shocked partner towards a sexually charged encounter.
18. Hand over the remote control
If you have a remote control vibrator, giving your partner control of your sexual pleasure can heighten the anticipation and bring a new power play into your relationship. If you’re feeling kinky, try doing so in a more public setting where you may have to hide your pleasure. There’s nothing more intimate than sharing a secret after all!
19. Switch the power dynamic
Consider switching the power dynamic between yourself and your partner to spice things up. If your partner is usually the more assertive one, consider taking the dominant role (either with or without mentioning it first) and dominating them with ties, teasing and sex toys. Changing the dynamic of your sex life can lead to new sexual experiences and interests that develop the more you experiment.
Now that you have 19 actionable ways to ignite your husband’s libido, you’re ready for some serious sexy time. However, once you have your husband back in your bed, are you ready to explore creative ways to amplify his sexual pleasure? We think so...