Sex is genuinely good for you. Research shows that people who have sex at least twice a week have higher levels of immunoglobulin A - an antibody central to immune response - than those who are less sexually active. Men who have orgasm regularly have a reduced risk of prostate cancer later in life.
But quantity isn’t the only metric that matters. Quickie sex is still sex - it's just not the same. Sex therapists generally put the sweet spot for a satisfying session somewhere between seven and thirteen minutes of penetration. One study of 500 couples found the average was 5.4 minutes. There's a gap there worth closing.
Making sex last longer isn't purely a stamina question. It's about building arousal, staying present, and actually enjoying the experience - for both of you.
There's nothing wrong with a quickie occasionally. But when they become the default, intimacy tends to go with them. Couples who make time for longer sessions consistently report deeper connection and more satisfying sex.
8 ways to make sex last longer
From how you warm up to how you approach sex, these 8 tips give both of you more to work with. A few of these will feel obvious. Try them anyway.
1. Schedule time for sex
The fastest way to have better sex more often is to schedule time for it. Find a window each week where you're both present and have the brain space to be with each other instead of rushing to check it off the to-do list.
There’s a myth that scheduling sex takes the “sexy” away from it, but you know what is less sexy? Not having sex at all. Pick your battles. Jam-packed schedules are one of the main reasons couples fall into a pattern of not having sex or rushing it. When sex always happens at the end of an exhausting day, it rarely gets the attention it deserves. Putting it in the calendar might feel unromantic, but the alternative - waiting for the perfect spontaneous moment - means it keeps getting pushed to the bottom of the list.
2. Set realistic expectations
Marathon sex sessions make for great fiction. In reality, a deeply satisfying 30 minutes to an hour - real connection, build-up, foreplay, aftercare - is both achievable and worth working toward.
The problem isn't that people want too much from sex. It's that what most of us picture comes from sources that have nothing to do with real bodies, real relationships, or real life. When you measure your sex life against TV, movies, and rumor, you'll always feel like you're falling short. Start from what actually feels good, not from what looks good. The more honest you are about what you want, the easier it is to get there - and the longer you'll want to stay.
3. Exercise regularly
Physical fitness has a direct effect on sexual stamina. Regular movement improves blood flow, pelvic floor strength, and endurance. A stronger pelvic floor means more sensation and more control, for both men and women, which gives both of you more to work with during longer sessions. In fact, Kegels for men are a recommended exercise for men experiencing premature ejaculation.
These three are worth adding to your routine specifically because they target the muscles most involved in sexual performance - the glutes, pelvic floor, and core:
- Bridges - strengthen the glutes and pelvic floor, improving both thrust control and sensation
- Kegels - directly target the pelvic floor muscles that control arousal and orgasm intensity
- Squats - building lower body strength and can help increase blood flow to the genitals
4. Use vibrators to increase arousal and last longer
The right vibrator doesn't just add sensation - it can help arousal last longer, and your erection (if you’re a man) last longer, which is the whole point.
Crescendo 2 is a fully bendable vibrator recommended by doctors for its science-backed ability to increase arousal and lubrication. With 6 end-to-end motors that deliver powerful vibrations across multiple erogenous zones, it increases healthy blood flow, genital responsiveness, and arousal. For women navigating hormonal changes, postpartum recovery, or sensitivity shifts, it is a helpful hand in building and sustaining enough arousal and lubrication for penetration to be pleasurable.
Tenuto 2 is a doctor-recommended wearable vibrator for men that’s clinically proven to improve performance and double erection strength. Worn at the base of the penis, its 4 motors send targeted vibrations across the penis and perineum, boosting blood flow, arousal, and sensation for firmer erections throughout. It’s comfortably snug fit, must like a cock ring, help keep the blood in the penis for erections that last longer.
5. Expand your definition of sex
Most people define sex as penis-in-vagina penetration, and most assume sex ends when one partner has an orgasm. That framing works against most couples, especially those looking to make sex last longer.
As relationship and sexuality educator Logan Levkoff puts it: "Sex shouldn't simply be about something being in someone else's body for a particular period of time." When penetration is the main event of sex, and orgasm is the goal, sex becomes far less fun, and puts a lot of pressure on both partners to accomplish something rather than to experience something. The adage, “stop and smell the roses” is relevant here. When you take your time to prolong foreplay, pleasure map each other’s bodies, revel in each other’s reactions, you naturally take longer - and enjoy it more.
6. Masturbate before sex
It sounds counterintuitive, but masturbating before sex might help you actually last longer during sex. While there is no definite scientific proof of this, many men swear by this. Some theories are that it reduces sensitivity, especially if you’re really excited about having sex or have a very sensitive ejaculatory response. Another theory is that it takes the edge off of having an orgasm, especially if that’s your goal, since you already had one, you can now relax and enjoy the experience. Try incorporating it into foreplay rather than keeping it separate - it's an easy way to learn something new about each other while building arousal at the same time.
7. Try edging
Edging is the practice of bringing yourself - or your partner - close to orgasm and then pulling back before you get there. You repeat the cycle deliberately, building intensity each time. The result is a significantly more powerful climax and a much longer session overall.
It requires paying close attention to your own arousal response and slowing down on purpose, which is harder than it sounds. But once you get the hang of it, it changes how you think about the whole experience. For men dealing with premature ejaculation, it's one of the most effective behavioral techniques available.
8. Explore new sex positions and sex toys
Routine is the enemy of a passion, so exploring new things and introducing different forms of novelty into your sex life can do a lot for making it last. Try switching up sex positions, or doing something you never thought of before. Have sex in the shower. Bring in props like pillows and sex wedges to help diversity.
Nipple clamps, or similar sex toys, add new stimulation that helps prolong and draw out foreplay. Anal sex toys like butt plugs or anal beads add a layer of sensation for both men and women that most couples never explore. Blindfolds and restraints slow everything down by shifting focus entirely to physical sensation. None of these require a major commitment - just a willingness to try something new.
Takeaway
Most of the tips in this list help with building arousal and helping sustain intimacy. None of this requires a complete overhaul of your sex life. Pick one thing from this list and try it this week. Whether you opt for becoming a gym geek or changing your definition of sex, one this is certain - you will have fun in the process.
If you want a physical edge, try a doctor-recommended vibrator that’s clinically proven to improve performance, enhance arousal, and keep you lasting longer. Bonus: It's FSA/HSA eligible.
