Cunnilingus, the act of giving oral sex, is a mouth-full (literally). Derived from the Latin words cunnus = vulva and lingere = to lick, it translates to “one who licks a vulva.” This etymology lesson tells us that cunnilingus is a historic pastime. With only 1 in 4 women reaching orgasm or climax during penetrative sex, its no wonder why women want more oral sex. So why aren’t (straight) women getting enough oral sex and what is perpetuating this orgasm gap?
Author Laurie Mintz of “Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters — And How to Get It,” attributes this female orgasm gap to our lack of inclusive sex education about the clitoris.
A study by the Archives of Sexual Behavior reported that only 65% of heterosexual women orgasmed during sexual activity compared to 95% of heterosexual men and 88% of lesbians. The same study found that women who orgasmed more frequently reported receiving more oral sex than their counterparts.
The consensus? It’s all about the clitoris! The clitoris has over 8,000 nerve endings, making it an incredibly sensitive area capable of intense pleasure.
Oral sex and clitoral stimulation for women and vulva owners not only help close the orgasm gap, but also help women feel comfortable and aroused before intercourse, making penetrative sex more enjoyable by promoting lubrication and relaxing the vaginal canal.
While receiving oral sex isn’t for all women, for some, being on the receiving end can be an incredibly erotic experience. Considering it takes women roughly 20 minutes to reach climax from stimulation, giving cunnilingus is an act of selflessness, and selflessness is attractive too!
So here are 15 cunnilingus techniques that will help guide anyone “who licks a vulva” on how to give toe-curling oral sex:
2. Start Slow And Soft On The Clitoris
3. Try Different Tongue Techniques
4. Add Pressure With Your Head And Tongue
5. Be Brave - Make Eye Contact
7. Double Her Pleasure With Your Hands
9. Turn Up The Heat With Sex Toys
10. Steady Wins The Race - Find the Rhythm
11. Explore Different Sex Positions
1. Tease And Seduce
Seduction is about building anticipation. Before you dive head-first for the clitoris, try teasing to boost sexual tension. Engaging all the senses and targeting erogenous zones can make cunnilingus a full-body experience. Trail kisses down her neck, lick the outer shell of her ear, tease her nipples, and kiss her inner thighs. The entire vulva has sensitive nerve-endings beyond the clitoris, so licking around the labia and the top of the pubic bone can heighten arousal and anticipation.
Furthering the art of seduction, try a striptease. The thin barrier of clothing preventing what they want most can intensify anticipation. Strip your partner’s clothing off piece by piece as you play with them. Tease your partner through their clothing, gradually peeling layers off, until they are begging.
2. Start Slow And Soft On The Clitoris
While both of you might be ready to go, make sure to take your time and start slow and soft. The vulva and clitoris are bundles of sensitivity; beginning too rough or fast could be a jarring or painful sensation, taking you both out of the moment. Start with a soft tongue, licking softly but deliberately. Once your partner gets comfortable, then you can play with increasing speed and pressure.
3. Try Different Tongue Techniques
Every vulva is different so experiment with different tongue and mouth techniques to see which your partner prefers. Some don’t like direct stimulation on their clitoris, and some only want that. Explore various pressures and switch up the pace. Some popular techniques to try:
- Stroke your tongue up and down
- Lick from side to side
- Lick in clockwise or counterclockwise circles
- Use the tip of your tongue for a more pin-pointed sensation
- Long, slow licks
- Short, fast licks
- Pulsate your tongue in the same spot over and over
- Sucking
- Kissing
- Nibbling lightly (Note: Please ask your partner before using any teeth!)
- Spell out letters of the alphabet with your tongue
4. Add Pressure With Your Head And Tongue
It’s about more than tongue technique; it’s about pressure as well. Leveraging pressure is much easier if you use a flat tongue on the clitoris and move your head closer while you lick. This minor adjustment can make her go ga-ga when you find the right pressure.
5. Be Brave - Make Eye Contact
Make eye contact with your partner during cunnilingus. Eye contact can translate as confidence, build intimacy and connection, and the visual can also register as highly erotic.
6. Make Some Noise
Make some noise! Not only can hearing your enthusiasm be attractive but moaning against your partner’s vulva can create a rumbling sensation that can feel amazing. Other encouraging and provocative sounds are slurping, spitting, sucking, and humming.
7. Double Her Pleasure With Your Hands
Use your hands to give some extra stimulation. Spread the labia apart to better focus on pleasuring the clitoris and surrounding areas. You can also increase stimulation by using a free hand to stimulate your partner’s G-spot, tease their nipples, or divulge in a little anal / perineum play.
8. Talk Dirty To Me!
Auralism is trending because there is infinite erotic power in the auditory. Dirty talk with your partner can lighten the mood or heighten the mood. Tell your partner what you want to do to them, or use dirty talk as a segue to ask for consent, learn your partner's preferences, or give your tongue a break while still keeping the sexual momentum.
9. Turn Up The Heat With Sex Toys
Sex toys are great compliments to any sexual activity or experience as they can help enhance your partner’s pleasure and arousal and deliver unique and sustained sensations that humans cannot. Remember, it’s not a competition about who did it best; it’s about having a positive sexual experience. Try a female vibrator like Poco for G-spot stimulation for a dual orgasm experience. Multi-functional vibrators that stimulate the G-spot and clitoris, like Crescendo, can be great counterparts for prolonging the experience and amplifying sensations. Sex toys can also give you a break without breaking the mood.
10. Steady Wins The Race - Find the Rhythm
Exploring is half the fun, but most women need consistency and a steady pace when they are close to reaching orgasm. Switching up too often or too close to orgasm can throw the rhythm off and irritate versus arouse. When playing, pay attention to your partner’s cues.
11. Explore Different Sex Positions
Try different sex positions for different sensations. Missionary is great for oral sex positions, but positions that open the vulva like face-sitting or 69 can provide easier access and different sensations.
12. Edging
Edging is the technique of getting your partner close to orgasm but then backing off just enough to keep them suspended in that heightened and aroused state right before climax. The key is to back off just a little, not all together, to keep the momentum. For some women, this suspended state will drive them wild.
13. “Eat” With Enthusiasm
If you’re doing it - do it! Show your enthusiasm by getting your face all up in that beautiful vulva. Some women are self-conscious of the smell, taste, and sight of their vulva due to toxic media messaging. Oral sex can be an exposing and vulnerable experience for some, so seeing your enthusiasm can put them at ease and heighten the eroticism. Showing enthusiasm can be a powerful aphrodisiac and opportunity to connect.
14. Cater Your Expectations
It takes women on average 20 minutes of consistent stimulation to reach climax, so if you’re committing to cunnilingus, get comfortable. Find a comfortable position that is sustainable for extended periods. We recommend kneeling on a pillow or keeping something soft handy. While it’s not out of the question to change positions in the middle of oral sex, it can take one or both of you out of the mood, especially if someone is uncomfortable.
15. Ask And You Shall Receive
The best practice for the best oral sex is to talk with your partner about their likes and dislikes before the act. Communication is sexy, and consent is sexy. Knowing preferences and boundaries beforehand can save time, minimize pressure, and establish boundaries that ensure both parties enjoy the experience.
Watch for communication cues; these can be verbal or nonverbal. Body language can be a great indicator of how much your partner prefers one technique or speed. If their hips arch towards you, that’s usually a good sign. However, if their pelvis seems to be moving away from you or they flinch, they might not be enjoying whatever you just tried. Moaning is typically a good sign, though sometimes a groan can indicate discomfort. When in doubt - ask.
These 15 oral sex techniques will leave your partner breathlessly wondering where you’ve been all their lives. That being said, these cunnilingus tips are guidelines to help you and your partner find the pace and rhythm that works best for your dynamic. Every vulva and clitoris is beautiful and unique, but most importantly, don’t neglect the clitoris!
