Exploring something new in your sex life is normal, like bringing a sex toy into your relationship. Whether it’s a cock ring, G-spot vibrator, or something a little more adventurous, sex toys can make intimacy feel more playful, connected, and exciting. It gives you both a new way to communicate, experiment, and enjoy each other without pressure or expectations.
However, it’s also normal to wonder how your partner might react. Even the most confident couples can feel a little shy about mentioning a sex toy for the first time. That’s why approaching the conversation with the right intention, attitude, and even time is important for setting the tone for a positive experience right from the start.
If you’d like to introduce a sex toy into your relationship, but aren’t sure how to bring it up, here’s how to begin the conversation - and be mindful of some potential miscommunications.
1. Create an open dialogue about sex
Before bringing up sex toys, make sure you’re already talking openly about sex itself. Introducing accessories lands much more naturally when you and your partner are used to sharing what you like, what you’re curious about, and what you’d love to explore together. Instead of jumping straight to “Can we try a vibrator?”, start by building a comfortable, sex-positive space where you can both speak honestly.
A simple way to begin is by sharing a desire, a fantasy, or even a recent sexy thought - something like, “I saw X and it made me think about trying it with you.” This frames intimacy as a mutual journey rather than a one-sided request. You can also make it playful by creating a shared sex bucket list. Brainstorm everything you’d be open to trying, then privately mark what you would do, might do, or wouldn’t do. Compare your answers and notice where your interests overlap. (And if a vibrator or sex toy sneaks onto that list, even better - it becomes part of the conversation without pressure.)
Throughout all of this, the most important thing is staying open and non-judgmental. People often feel shy or vulnerable about their desires, so showing genuine curiosity and care helps your partner feel safe to share, too.
2. Initiate the conversation
When you’re ready to bring up the idea of introducing a sex toy into your relationship, timing and tone matter. No matter how spontaneous your sex life usually is, never surprise your partner by using a sex toy during sex without asking first - even if it’s something you’ve talked about in fantasy before. Consent in the moment is what maintains trust, comfort, and connection.
Bring it up when you’re both relaxed and not occupied with anything else, not while one of you is working, scrolling on your phone, or mentally elsewhere. A calm, distraction-free moment creates the right emotional environment for a conversation that deserves your full attention.
Ease into the topic gently. It helps to preemptively acknowledge any insecurities that might surface: worries about not being “enough,” fears that your sex life isn’t satisfying, or concerns that a sex toy might replace your partner. Naming these possibilities with empathy reassures them that your intention is connection, not comparison. Even if your desire to bring a sex toy into the relationship is because there’s a problem - like your partner struggling with ED or menopause affecting libido - frame it positively. The positive will more often than not lead to a better response than starting with the negative.
Keep the tone light, honest, and playful. Frame the idea as something you’d like to explore together - a new shared experience, not a critique or a fix. When you lead with care and curiosity, the conversation feels far less intimidating and far more like an invitation to expand your intimacy as a team.
3. Emphasize the benefits of sex toys
When you bring up the idea of using a sex toy together, it helps to support your suggestion with real, practical benefits. Sex toys can increase pleasure, inject novelty, add variety, reduce performance pressure, and help both partners stay connected even during shifts in libido from menopause, postpartum or something else. Framing the idea through these benefits shows that you are not asking because something is wrong. You are asking because you want to build on what already feels good between you.
Sex toys also open the door to discovering sensations you might not create on your own. For example, vibrators can boost arousal, blood flow, and natural lubrication, and even enhance erections, helping to make foreplay last longer, and help you stay present in the moment instead of worrying about expectations.
Invite your partner to think about a sex toy they have always been curious about and share your own interests too. This turns the conversation into a collaboration rather than a request and can reveal desires or fantasies you have never talked about before. Many couples are surprised to learn that sex toys are not just for women, and that there are vibrators for men too, including vibrating cock rings, wearable vibrators that enhance erections and partner pleasure, and prostate vibrators that create a completely different type of orgasm.
4. Shop for a sex toy with your partner
If you want to use a sex toy with your partner, involving them is a good strategy to get them on board and on the same page. Additionally, it can be an aphrodisiac to shop for one together. Talking about where you or your partner prefers to be stimulated, how, with what textures or pressures – yeah, definitely erotic. Treat it like foreplay.
As you browse, get familiar with the different types of sex toys that exist. There are vibrators designed for G-spot vibrators, anal sex toys, nipple sex toys, and even wearable couples vibrators can also be a great option when you want something you can both feel at the same time.
Learning what’s out there helps both of you explore what you like, what you are curious about, and what feels exciting rather than intimidating. Shopping as a team also ensures the sex toy you choose reflects both of your needs and comfort levels. For example, if upon looking you notice your partner turned off to the idea of internal sex toys, you can ask more questions. You might discover that penetration is uncomfortable with sex toys, maybe due to menopause, postpartum, or medications. In which case an external sex toy, like the Legato vulva vibrator, might be a better option to bring into the bedroom as it respects everyone’s needs.
And once you land on something you both want to try, the anticipation of waiting for it to arrive can build even more excitement and help set up the tone for the experience you are creating together.
5. Explore together
When it comes time to actually try your new sex toy, take it step by step. Depending on the dynamic of your relationship, you can start by experimenting with it on your own or unwrap it together.
Once you start exploring, pay attention to each other’s reactions. Notice if your partner seems excited, nervous, curious, or hesitant, and talk about what each of you is feeling. Begin with basic exploration, like running the sex toy across different parts of the body, testing different pressures, or playing with intensity levels to see what feels good, also known as pleasure mapping.
Try taking turns holding it so each person gets a chance to lead and follow. It might be helpful to decide ahead of playtime who controls the settings during sex to avoid fumbling and awkwardness.
It often helps to try the sex toy on less sensitive areas first, like thighs, inner arms, stomach, or hips, before moving to erogenous zones. This builds comfort and eases you both into the sensations. You can also use your hands at the same time to combine vibration with touch, creating more layered stimulation.
There are countless ways to play together. Think beyond the usual and explore different angles, speeds, rhythms, and placements to find what turns both of you on. There is a ton of sex positions with a vibrator to help you discover new ways to enjoy each other.
Takeaway
Introducing a sex toy into a relationship can bring novelty, variety, and excitement to your intimacy. If you are dreading the conversation, these tips should help break the ice, keep the dialogue respectful, and make space for a more connected and playful sex life. And if you are ready to take that next step, these award-winning couples vibrators boost arousal and pleasure for everyone involved.
